Developing a good honest relationship of any sort requires forgiveness above all else. Recently, I had an epiphany about forgiveness and what it truly looks like. Often times forgiveness claims us before we claim forgiveness. Maybe, it’s not even about forgiving the other person instead forgiving ourselves. Falling in and out of the same pattern, I know all about the cycle of self forgiveness. Initially, self forgiveness didn’t make sense, I needed a way to continue hurting, that way others wouldn’t be able to hurt me. However, the pain was inevitable, whether it was self – inflicted or not. I needed to stop engaging as well as continuing toxic relationships. A major part of these toxic relationships revolved around one thing. Finding someone that’s comfortable with me wearing isn’t an easy to do.
Fearful, I would just settle with whoever accepted me. No one should ever settle out of fear. Lets be real, I’m a 20-year-old girl wearing an adult brief, of course I approach relationships from a different angle. Deciding when the right time to expose this part of my life is by far the most tricky. However, sometimes things are better left unsaid. While I’m not ashamed its nothing something I feel comfortable bringing up all the time.
Last time I was open with a guy about wearing, he completely took advantage of me. Practically, objectifying me because he had a sick fetish. Initially, he was pretty clever by pretending he understood me wearing. Over time his true intentions showed and I was mad as hell. Venting, non stop, I needed to honestly forgive him because all I was doing was hurting myself. As the old saying goes ” unforgiveness is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies”.
Blinded by what I thought could be the one; I was all part of a sick twisted fantasy. I can’t harp on perverts because it takes away from my main focus. 2014 was such an emotional chaotic year, that I decided 2015 would be better. What better way to begin a year than focusing on Forgiveness? Overall, forgiving is rediscovering the shining path of peace that at first you thought others took away when they betrayed you. ~Dodinsky
My Uncensored Journal 